Motivation

By 2017-05-15Uncategorized

Today has been a bad day. It’s really starting to drag on now. It’s good that I now have a date for the surgery, but it still feels like I’m going nowhere and that I’m mostly flailing about in some kind of vacuum. Hard to keep the motivation going with those feelings. I feel angry and sad that I have had to wait for so long to get a surgery time, though I realize there’s nothing much to do about that. After all, my injury is not something that is an emergency in any way, and there are no down sides (medically) to wait longer with the reconstruction either. Other patients just have to be prioritized higher. I get that, but it still hurts. The longer it takes for my surgery to take place, the more of next ski season is eaten by rehab. The only thing right now that keeps me going back to the physio 3 times a week is that I have a specific time I’m supposed to be there. Not even the constant reminder that all work out I do now will make the rehabilitation after the surgery easier makes much of a difference any more. Today it’s exactly one month to go.

It just feels that everything is so far away. I have surgery in one month. Then it’s two weeks of crutches before I can start working properly with the physio again. Then another two weeks until I can go back to work. I know I won’t climb anything this season since the OP is so late, and according to my physio I most likely won’t ski until early Feb. Simply put, what the f*** am I supposed to do in the mean time? It’s so hard staying motivated without getting to do the things I really enjoy! Road biking is OK, but I wouldn’t say it’s much more than that to be honest. It beats biking on an exercise bike, but compared to climbing or skiing it’s… Not very inspiring to be honest.

I try to slice the process up into steps. On June 1, an epic LEGO model of the Apollo 11 mission’s Saturn V rocket gets released world wide, I’ve decided to get it, that’s about two weeks from now. Then I’ll get surgery two weeks later, and I’ll also get to start actually building the LEGO model (have to spend my time doing something since I’ve understood I probably won’t want to move around much the first time after surgery). Two weeks after that I’ll be back at the physio for “real” training (there are exercises I’ll do at home already from day one, but after two weeks the new graft and damaged muscle are strong enough to actually start loading again). Two weeks after that I’ll hopefully get to go back to work, full or part time. After that point the planning goes a bit more hazy, but one of my personal goals is to be able to visit my in-laws together with my partner towards the end of summer/early fall and spend some time at their place doing day treks and what not. They live far north and have proper mountains and such near by, by then it would probably feel very good just to be able to be close to some mountains for some time. Then we’ll see, I want to start (easy) indoor climbing (rope only, no bouldering) before Christmas, and then hopefully start skiing again in Feb. The skiing I’ll do in the beginning probably won’t impress anyone very much, but as long as I get to glide down a slope I’ll be happy.

Well, at least I’ve got permission to start working half time from home at my old job, so that’s something. I’ll get some cash flowing again, and it’ll get me something to spend my days doing. I just hope I can keep up my motivation enough not to start skipping physio before I get surgery.

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